You Might Be Out Of Touch

How come we never get an average person running for president? 
Every year people are forced to vote for candidates who have a shit load of money to campaign with, but just don't have a clue as to what it's like for the average American to make ends meet nowadays.
So in true Jeff Foxworthy form, here is a list of things that might mean you are to far out of touch with the average American to consider running for president.


If your anual income is a million dollars or more, and the hardest thing  you've done all year is master that tricky shot on the back nine, you might be out of touch with the average American.


If you don't have to pay for you own gas, or put it into your own car, you might be out of touch with the average American.


If you've never had to count your pennies in  the "Ten Items Or Less" isle at your local supermarket while illegal allians (draped in gold) in front of you pay for their two shopping carts full of food with their independence card, you might be out of touch with the average American.


If the hardest deicision you've had to make this year is which  privite school to send your kids to, or which tropical island to go to for vacation, you might be out of touch with the average American.


If you've never had to choose between food, medications, gas & electric, or gas for your car, you might be out of touch with the average American.

If you don't have to sqwint to read this because you can afford an eye exam and glasses, you might be out of touch with the average American.

If you can't make up your mind between the Mercedes, and the Rolls Royce, you might be out of touch with the average American.

If you think coupons are just part of the Sunday funny papers, you might be out of touch with the average American.

If your best friend and golfing buddy is your stockbroker, you might be out of touch with the average American.

If you don't lay awake at night because the noise from the forclosed home next door where illegal allians moved in with their 17 kids and 23 relatives is keeping you up,  you might be out of touch with the average American.

And finaly if you've never had to live within your means, you might be out of touch with the average American.

How about we get someone in there who knows what it's like to  live in the real world for a change?

Lord knows they couldn't do any worse.

The Glass Slipper Syndrome

Ladies, let's talk about love!
Oh I love to be in love, don't you love to be in love?  Head over heels can't eat, can't sleep, lay awake at night love.
Yeah right.
It's all so hot a few months in when everyone is still pissing perfume and you'd sooner blow up then let one fly in front of the man of your dreams. 
But let's get real for a moment shall we?  because fairy tales are just that.
Remember Cinderella?  The poor girl who gets treated like shit by everyone around her  until she finally meets her prince charming and lives happily ever after.  Wonderful story right?  But in the real world, one day you just might meet up with that same prince who now has a glass slipper stuck up his ass after being thrown out of the castle when he got caught banging the chamber maid. 
 So take heed ladies,  Love is not a fairytale.
These things you must learn for yourself.
 Don't take Cindy's word for it. 
Cause that bitch ain't gonna tell ya nothin.

Ass Kissers

We all know one.  Most times you can recognise them by their shoes because everytime the boss turns around you see their feet hanging out of his ass.
These smarmy cirtters think they have a one up on everyone else.  A special "in" with upper management.  They walk around feeling empowered and "Oh so Special"  but here's what these suckups don't understand.  Bosses don't like ass kissers either. Oh they'll use them for whatever they need done, but they have no respect for them at all.  And more often then not, when the time comes, suckups usually end up in a place they never wanted to be,  And why? because the ass they've been kissing all this time want's it that way that's why.  So pay attention all you suckups out there because the ass your kissing today may very well be the one that farts in your face tomorrow.

The Grammar Police

Every now and then you run into one of those "Oh I'm so much more intelligent then you are" type people who think they have the right to tell you what and how you should write.  These people take great delight in perusing any and all things literary just so they can pick out, and bitch about the tiniest error in grammar or punctuation.
Therefore, in an effort to clarify the situation, let me just state here publicly for all those "Grammar Police" who like to complain.  There is a simple solution to your problem. 
Don't read my blogs.  Nobody is forcing you to. 
And F.Y.I., no offence, but I don't really give a shit what you think. 
So there you go.  Problem solved.  Don't you feel better now?  I know I do.

What Ever Happend To "The Customer's Always Right"?

Been through a fast food drive through lately?
You pull up, give your order, they repeat it back to you, and you pick it up at the window. 
Sounds easy enough right? 
Until you get it home and realize you got nothing you ordered, no condiments at all, not even a napkin. and your just supposed to shut up and eat it.  Yet if I were to pull up to a drive through and say to them:
"Just throw something in a bag and give me a price because I never get what I order anyway"
they'd take offence.
I was in a local corner store just last week and asked the person behind the counter why an item was priced so high when I'd seen it at another store for a lower price and the response I got was:
"Well you don't have to buy it"
YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I don't have to buy it, and I didn't either.  I've not set foot in that store since nor do I ever intend to in the future.
And don't you just love it when you pull into your local convenience store at 5:30am for coffee on your way to work  only to find there is none and then you see one of the two attendants in the store standing outside on a smoke break drinking a cup?
What the hell is happening here?
How come no one cares what the customer thinks anymore?  And how come consumers don't demand to know why?  Have we all just accepted the fact that the drive through attendant is just to lazy to care, or even want to try to get our orders right?
As hard as jobs are to find how come those who are lucky enough to have one don't give a rats ass if they do them right or not?  And how come they still get to work there with that kind of attitude to begin with?
Maybe if consumers just once demanded to be treated the way they should be and refuse to patronize places that don't provide good service they wouldn't have to waste time checking to make sure they got what they ordered. 
You wouldn't go to a doctor who didn't give a shit about you or his job, but you'll accept that kind of attitude everyplace else?
Have we become so politicaly correct that nowadays we just accept what ever kind of service we get good or bad and like it?  when did the motto go from:
"The customer is always right"
To:
"If you don't like it, you can go someplace else"??

ANIMAL ABUSE? YOU BET IT IS!!

I hate animal abuse and I think the laws prohibiting it are far to lenient.
That being said I believe there is one institution that is given a free pass on animal abuse simply because of what it is, and that institution would be The Veterinarians!..............
Yeah that's right, I said it. 
The Veterinarians.
If you don't believe me then check out the price of medical care for any animal and see how much it costs.   
How come P.E.T.A. isn't doing anything about that?
Where is the outrage when a person can't afford the medicine needed to treat their sick pet?  I've been in a veterinarian office when someone was forced to walk out with their still untreated pet because the vet would not even let them buy half the medication needed when they could not afford to buy the whole amount.  How does that happen anyway? And how can they get away with this?  Because no one is looking at them that's why.  Because  no one associates animal abuse with an animal clinic.
So step back and take a look at the big picture the next time you take your animal to a vet.
And give thanks if your able to afford the care your animal needs as there are far to many owners who's animals must suffer because they can't afford the price of a Veterinarian visit, or the medication they prescribe for treatment.
If that's not considered animal abuse then I don't know what is.

P.E.T.A.  Are you listening??

September 11, 2001

                                                            

September 11, 2001 started out to be a bright beautiful morning.  It was a crystal clear day.  The sun was shining, and big puffy clouds floated lazily in the deep blue sky.  It was the kind of morning that had you mentally making plans to get away for that last summer vacation before the leaves started to change and the cold temperatures of fall set in.  I was at my desk when the DHL driver came in with a package....and some news.  "Did you hear"? she said, "A plane flew right into the World Trade Center."  I turned on the television I keep in my office to track snow storms.  And there it was. A huge hole in the World Trade Center building with thick black smoke & fire billowing up to the sky.  People on the floors above and below the point of impact were hanging out of windows frantically waving their arms and screaming for help.  As we stood there watching and wondering what could have caused it and how they were going to get the people out, Another plane slammed into the tower next to the one with the hole in it.  We looked at each other dumbfounded.  "What the hell was that!" I said.  Before she could answer The news reported that a plane had flown into the Pentagon building in Arlington Virginia.  In that instant we both knew that our country was under attack, and that our world, and our way of life as we knew it would be forever changed.
Time seemed to stop.  We stood there feeling helpless staring at the TV.  "Now what" she said. "What do we do now"?  "I don't know" I answered "But someone needs to have their ass kicked behind this".  She started to cry.  I hugged her and we watched for a while longer.  White faced, confused, sick in the stomach, and yes, afraid.  She wiped the tears away as she walked out the door. I was left alone in my office not knowing just what to do, what to think, or what to feel.   I was numb.  It was about that time the phone rang.  A campus wide phone message telling everyone the college was closing.  "Due to this mornings events, the college will be closing in twenty minutes".  "Go home and hug your families, and God bless America" was all the information it offered.  I started closing everything down.  It took me all of one hour to get from my office to the building where I had to go to clock out.  It wasn't that far away but traffic was gridlocked with everyone trying to leave at once.  It was hot; I had the windows rolled down.  On the radio was a report of yet another plane that was unaccounted for.  All along the way I saw the same shocked expressions on every ones faces.  People holding onto each other crying.  Students huddled together with cell phones desperately trying to call family, and friends.  I saw one girl sitting on the ground surrounded by friends who were trying to console her as she cried hysterically because her father had been on a scheduled flight that morning, and could not be reached.  It was a gut wrenching scene.  That's when it hit me.  The numbness wore off, and the tears came.  I cried all the way home.
In the days that followed the world was glued to their televisions as news stations reported around the clock coverage.  Regularly scheduled programs and commericals were canceled to report instead on the events that were unfolding in the aftermath of the attack.  New York mayor Rudy Giuliani held the nation together in the absence of our President who was overhead in a plane assessing the situation to determine the best course of action to take.  I have said it many times before and will repeat it now, no matter what actions Mr. Bush may have taken before, or after 911 he did a magnificent job that day considering the situation he suddenly found himself in, and I was grateful to have him there.  It was a horrific sight to see. So many lives lost, so many unaccounted for.   200 people jumped to their deaths from the tower that day, and many more perished when the buildings collapsed.  Emergency workers raced to the scene from all over the country and many vanished in the rubble as the towers fell.  People came from everywhere to help in any way they could.  The people on flight 93 tried to take back control of their plane from the hijackers, and struck the first blow against terrorism saving many lives on the ground and the Capitol building which is thought to be the target of that flight.  Casualties at the World Trade Center included nationals of over ninety different countries.  On September 11th,  we were all Americans no matter where we lived and the whole world felt the pain of that terrible day. In the UK during the ceremonial changing of the guards, the Coldstream Guards Band opened with The Stars And Stripes Forever, followed by The Star Spangled Banner, and When Jonny Comes Marching Home.  I watched that on the television and I'm not ashamed to say I cried.  I will be eternally grateful to who's ever idea that was.  
No matter where you were on September 11, 2001, the feelings were the same.

shock, anger, pain, and confusion, followed in the days to come by an unshakable resolve to stand your ground and show these bastards that nothing they can do could bring us down.  In America people came to work draped in the flag.  Everywhere you looked it flew like a collective FUCK YOU from the people of America to the terrorists who attacked us.  it was something to see.  I will never forget that awful day, the thousands who died, and the thousands that gave their lives to help.  God Bless Them All.